Off the shelf?

Back and forth I constantly go with ideas, hopes and queries, but very few of them do I put so much time and effort into them. The majority don't get a day's worth of thoughts, some get a day, while still others get a few days, but rarely is the better part of a year given time, effort, and heart.

I "shelved" an idea that I had been working on for several months. I started it in January, and decided back in July that perhaps I wasn't ready to release it. I have always played TCGs (trading card games) and I have always played turn-based RPGs. These game types are among my favorite and they both hold places in my heart. I decided I wanted to make a TCG that was similar to a turn-based RPG, more-so than any that are out there currently. I've added some of my favorite mechanics to the game and the best art I can create (not that great mind you as I'm more of a writer than an artist). I really enjoyed making the game and I really enjoyed putting time into it and believed in it, but still I decided it wasn't near ready.

My "coming to reality" moment came from my Uncle, as I have stated in a previous post, and it really slammed me to the ground. I'm not that great and I don't have a place among the giants of the TCG industry.

Why not? This is something I've just decided to ask myself and I couldn't find a suitable answer. Sure the art isn't the greatest, although there are a few that I'm very proud of, and I really do enjoy the mechanics, even if no one else does, but why can't I at the very least try? I've run out of excuses. I have always said, "Excuses are like butts, everyone has them and they all stink," but did I ever really believe that? At the end of the excuses all I had was my goal, and a passion.

So, what's next? I'm taking it off the shelf and I'm pushing forward. I won't be paralyzed by "what ifs" and instead mobilized by "what are". I am over 80% complete, and I am working diligently on something that I am really passionate about. Even if I am 100% wrong, and will be 100% in love with my completed work, and you know what? That's good enough for me. I want to reach my excellence.

Yesterday's over...

I often get caught up in yesterday. I forget that today's a new day and it's filled with new opportunity; both good and bad. Regardless of the luck of the day, I still have the opportunity to make the most out of it.

I was reading Great by Choice by Jim Collins and Morton T. Hansen, and one of the lessons they speak about is return on luck, or ROL. It is exactly how it sounds, and the crazy thing is, you control the ROL. Yes, there are things out of your control, and beyond your limit, but as I've always enjoyed the saying, "Luck favors the prepared." ROL is not the same as luck, but what you do with the cards you have been delt.

Depending on the day, that could mean anything. A botched meeting, a kid falling down and injuring themselves, and so much, much more! Today, I plan on taking luck by the horns and get a good ROL by preparing in the best way I can

1. Reading helps with my preparation. I will read.
2. Listening to good things: I often find myself listening to, or watching things with negativity or false truths or hopes. I will input positive things into my mind.
3. Don't waste my time. Honestly this is the hardest for me. I find myself spending hours watching an anime, or movie and don't realize the night is half gone.
4. Sleep! Yes, there's an exclamation mark because I don't sleep, or don't sleep well. It's hard to stay up if your mind is half down.
5.Use my time wisely, Budgeting is a huge part of my life, and why should I budget my day and my time? I've talked about time budgeting in a previous post and I'm sure that if I had things budgeted, even if my day goes completely wrong, just short of my house falling down, I can handle whatever the day might try to dish out at me.

That last one is a doozy for me and I have high hopes that I can manage it as well as I think I can.

Crossing the line

I often think of "crossing the line" as crossing the finish line, but that's isn't the only line you cross when running in a race. There's also a starting line. The line that you can visually see, but without a doubt you must cross it before you can finish...

Before you can cross the "Start" you have to be prepared. You can just get up to the line and begin running, but with out that training, you won't have the edge you could have or the endurance to finish. There is preparation that must go into it before beginning, but just because you should prepare before you begin, it doesn't mean you don't ever begin. 

"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." - John Maxwell

Don't get caught up and never start the race. Too often we look at the task before us and dream up a terrible run, a run we cannot hope to finish, and never begin. We over prepare and allow our fear to paralyze us, leaving you stilled in your footsteps. 

Begin. Don't hesitate. Start the race at a good pace and don't give in and own it!

I goofed!

I forgot to make a post about the Kickstarter when I launched it! X-D
Here it is:


Let me know what you think and if you're wanting to try it out, there's a link to the free print to play so you can give it a shot before you decide whether or not you want to back it. Just hit this link and you'll be able to download and print the entire 90 cards that make up the games.

Another Riddle

It's been a bit since I've done a riddle, so lets see how this goes.

I open,
I close,
I'm left,
and I'm right.
I can reach into the sky,
and yet fall by a side.
What am I?

Any guesses?

Momentum...

I feel like right now I have a lot of momentum, but I'm dialing it back. Why? Because I don't want to be like a giant ball rolling down a hill or mountain. Still, why? Why would it be a bad thing to have so much momentum that you're rolling down a hill or mountain?

Hills have ends, as do mountains. Sometimes you aren't always just rolling, but there are some hurling that goes on as well. Bouncing, and bang-ups and snags, but still rolling until you hit the end of the mountain. Then, you either stop, or you keep going until you crash into something.

I don't want to crash. I want to keep going like a runner that is persistent and takes intentional steps. Methodical and going at the right pace to not burn out and run out of gas, but to persist long enough to reach the goal regardless of the place you become. Sure, you want to win, why wouldn't you? But is it important to win and push yourself so hard that you burn out and quit, or is it better to finish and get your product out?

I'm working towards the latter. I have so many projects that I want to work on, but I don't want to burn myself out. Which is why I'm pacing myself and not barreling headfirst down a mountain.

It's here... Kinda

Well, it isn't exactly what I was hoping for, but one of my projects is done. I'm still working on another, but in the mean time...

and...

Use both sides to spell a word to earn the most points, but do it quickly or your opponent will beat you to the word and the points!

I'm actually really proud of this game, and although it hasn't been fully released yet, I have high hopes for it. Want to check it out? Hit the link to buy one and support me and future projects.

Oh! My Word! game link.

Thinly spread

"I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread" - Bilbo Baggins. I'm starting to do it again. The worst thing about your brain running is that it doesn't stop running. Even when one idea is good enough, there's always a 2nd, then a 3rd and so-on. I have so many projects going at once it's starting to wear me thin.

I don't want to suffer from burnout due to me being worn, but I do plan on succeeding, but how? I've decided to have a priority list; starting with the project I have worked the hardest on, as well as the one with the most potential to make the most money, first. I am really passionate about all of them, but I am the closest to finishing the first project I have been working on since January. I also have a self imposed deadline and I aim to make it. 

I think, if you are more passionate about one project over the other and you don't have a deadline; 1. Make a deadline and 2. Go with your passion more than your more farthest along. I am equally passionate about all of them, so the other 3 projects can wait until the first one is completed.

It's not that bad...

In my last post, I talked about how I was "taking time" for myself, but really I was just procrastinating, but what I didn't talk about was how it really made me feel. Not the post ER visit, but the time during the ER visit.

I have the terrible tendency to think worse of a situation. I have always done this to myself. Get called to the office in school, parents need to talk, teacher needs to talk, manager wants to have a word with me, all situations that were either good or mediocre, but because of my mind, I've blown them out of proportion.

I did this at the ER. I was having upper abdomen issues and I googled what could be wrong with me. Found several things that could have been the cause and found one that I thought would be ok to have and chose it. I started thinking and then my mind went back to my family history and it scared me senseless. I thought My dad had cancer and died at a young age, an uncle and grandmother all from my father's side, and they were all relatively young. Naturally, or unnaturally, my brain said, this too I must have and started to think the worse. I began crying and I was alone. My wife went home to tend to the kids, and I stayed in the ER alone and brooding.

Thankfully, it was my gallbladder and not cancer, but it got me thinking about my life and how I treat everything. I have always wanted to start a business and become an entrepreneur, but I have always have been debilitated by my fears and past. I allowed the doom and gloom of what? Failure? No, more!
I don't have cancer, and I'm out of excuses. In the worse case scenario with a business; I don't make a sell, and I have to start over. The best case scenario; I make more sales than I imagine and my dreams come to fruition. What do I have to lose? What do you have to lose?

Sick!

We all wish that we could have long and healthy lives with no issues, but unfortunately, on this side of heaven, that isn't a luxury that all of us, or most of us, will enjoy. I have been slacking on my posts because I've been sick. My gallbladder has been acting up and has been causing me a whole mess of pain, but is this the truth?

The truth is, I've actually be on the mend for 2 days now, and yet I didn't post anything. I was using this time time mope around and I was suffering from P.L.O.M. disease. If you've never read or listened to Zig Ziglar, which I highly recommend, then you don't know that P.L.O.M. Disease is the Poor Little Old Me mindset. I spent the day thinking, "Well I'm recovering, nothing wrong with me taking some time to do that and just enjoy the day and not work," but the fact of the matter is, I'm only delaying my Dream. If I want it to come true; I need to drop the mindset of P.L.O.M. and get myself into gear. I near closer everyday and I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it. I have high hopes for tomorrow!

Victories

I often find that, for me, if a task takes a really long time; I begin to lose heart with it. The longer it takes to complete it and the more arduous the project the more discouraged I get. I don’t like to get dissuaded and I know that’s why I have given up on previous projects before. I don’t mean projects that could take a day, week or even a month, I’m talking about the long haul projects that could take several months to a few years to fully complete it.

How, then, do you prevent yourself from falling into the trap of “I’m never going to finish!” or “there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.” or feel like you’re trapped in a rat wheel and you’re just running stagnant in the water? I enjoy little victories. Small wins that can be attained either daily or weekly. They aren't huge audacious goals, but they aren't so insignificant that you feel like you’re wasting your time, this is, after all, your dream we’re talking about.

I’m thankful that my current project makes small victories a very easy thing to achieve as there are multiple tasks inside of it, but I still force myself to get excited over each one so I don’t dilute the purpose of the small victories. Celebrate them. Don’t open a bottle of champagne or go out to eat stake, unless it’s a big victory, but instead have a mini-party with just you or your teammates and enjoy this small victory. 

Do you celebrate little victories or is there another method you've found that keeps you going through the long grind?

Drive

When I was younger I noticed my dad using cruise control often while we were on the highway. Being curious, as I always have been, I asked him why? He said, "It's because if you are going one speed you don't use as much gas as you do when you slow down, then speed up. So I use it to save gas." It didn't really make much sense to an 8 year old so I just left it alone with an, "OK." and we continued the drive.

Now that I am older, It makes more sense to me and I understand why and how it burns more gas and I understand how it saves gas if you're going at a consistent speed. If you're on a highway and you're going too fast, you slow down to go the speed limit (I'm sure none of you speed :P), and if you go under it you speed back up to your speed. Begin thinking about what to eat for lunch, or if you locked the door, or even, perhaps, what that person's name was, but you lose that thought and begin to slow down again. Distraction leaves you and you start paying attention to your speed again and you speed back up and maybe a little faster. It isn't much, but you burn more gas then you normally would have if you had been going at a constant speed.

Isn't that how life is? We spend so much time focusing on other things that we lose track of our dreams, or get sidetracked. I know I do. If only we had a "cruise control" for our life, but maybe we do. A schedule could be our "cruise control", I think. The schedule tells us where to go, at what time, and helps us dictate how much time it could take to get to a location. You can deviate from it, like an actual cruise control and you can choose whether or not you want to turn it back on, or follow it. Set dates and time so you have goals you want to reach at the time you want to reach them in, and so you don't over work yourself and burn your self out.

What's your cruise control? I use my calendar for little victories to help me stay consistent and press onward, but I do deviate quite a bit. I think it's time for me to get off the brake and get back to a consistent speed.

Times value

Time slips through my hands like sand through the hourglass, except, the sand is not contained, but instead it's being blown into the wind. There aren't enough days in the week, or hours in a day, but perhaps there are, and if there are, where are they going?

I have priorities in my life, truly I do, but I allow my time to be taken up by nonsensical things such as games and movies. Is watching a 3 hour movie worth losing that time to work on my dream? For me the answer is, "no" and yet still I do it, still I watch that movie or series of movies taking up 9 hours of my week and sleep. Why?

Perhaps then it's boredom. I get bored of working on my dream and decide to take a long break, but that isn't true. Perhaps, then, it's lack of creativity, and I can't think of anything to help me continue in my work, but that isn't entirely it either. I currently have 3 more pieces of my current project that needs to be completed and I have almost everyone worked out on them, and yet I still am watching or doing something else. 

The only thing I can see is that it's either an excuse or habit. I think most likely a habit, but that's just an excuse. Some die hard, others are easy. I need to find the queue and stop it before it happens, and replace it with a good habit, like working on my dream or sleeping. No more time for excuses. It's time to break habits, make new ones and get busy. It's time to not just talk idly by and watch my dream pass me by, but take action. I set myself up for failure by continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome, from my reckoning, that's the definition of insanity.

What are you distracted with? What ways do you have to break your bad habits? What are they keeping you from? 

My First Loss

The way you spoke,
The way you  look,
The way you taught me,
When you cooked.
The jokes you told,
The words you said,
The tales you sold,
The history that you behold.
Never shall a word you said,
Fall on deaf ears, or be dead.
When you left it took a toll.
Oh, how I miss you so.

My grandfather has been dead for nearly 12 years now, and although I have peace with him being gone, I still miss him. Just because you're a Christian it doesn't mean you can't have a spot in your heart for someone you loved so dear. My grandfather was more of my father to me. I spent nearly every waking hour of my childhood with him.

I remember the funeral like it was yesterday. I was fine. I teared a bit, but I really was able to hold it in. My mom was my rock. I leaned on her so I could stand. Really I should have been leaning on GOD, but I didn't because I was unsure of what to believe in at that point in my life and I was already depressed to boot. I remember seeing all of my family break down. Some where angry, others were sad. Some even seemed happy; my grandfather wasn't too kind of a man to many people.

It was when my mom broke down that I couldn't hold it together anymore. It was a few hours after the wake. I was so angry. At myself, for not spending the time with him that I should have. Angry at my family for not wanting anything to do with him. with my mom for crying, with GOD for letting him die and it hurting so much. I There was so much pain and grief and I had no idea how to handle it. It wasn't until years later that I was finally able to manage the pain and overcome it and bury it in my past. It wasn't until I found Jesus with a love I never expected that I was able to finally have peace. I think back to Philippians 4:7 "and the peace of GOD which surpasses all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (ESV).

My first sense of shame

I woke up that day the way I had the day before
Ready to face the day and race out of the door.
I went to all my classes and met all of my friends
I enjoyed the day; the beginning and the end,
But maybe not the end because of a new student.
He was taller than I and very far from prudent.
He looked at me and quickly, saw my jeans were just too short
Faded was the blue and holey too and I had no retort
He spoke some words and then he laughed,
My "friends" joined in and I was sad.
They all smiled, so I did too.
I didn't want them to see the hurt they did do.
Later that day, when I got home.
I went to my room to be alone.
I feigned being sick so they couldn't see;
The pain and sorrow my "friends" caused me.
Although I was "sick" I begged for my mom,
To take me out shopping, put new clothes on.
So out we two went, to acquire a new wardrobe.
Look different, better, it's what I did hope.
I wouldn't take anything, less than the best.
I wanted to look and dress better than the rest.
With tears in my eyes because of how I looked,
My honor, my pride, a few words took.

I had been ashamed many times before this, but It had never been because of how I looked. Mom would always tell me that I needed to bathe more, or match, or brush my hair, but I didn't care. I knew a lot of boys that didn't and at 12 It wasn't high on my priority list, but when I moved to Oak Cliff it was different. A year later a new person moved to the school and immediately pointed out all of my fabrical flaws. If I had been wise I could have said something like, "Don't judge a book by its cover." or perhaps say something like, "What about what Martin Luther King, Jr. said, 'I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.'" or I even could have asked him, "What ws wring with you?" and "Who had wronged you to make you so bitter?", but I didn't. Words failed me, and all I could think of is how stupid I looked and all of my so-called "friends" were laughing at me. My mom spent a couple hundred dollars, that I knew we didn't have, on me and I continued to be this way until I was much older. Every clothing choice I made from that point on were made based on that memory.

This came to mind because I was reading the book, "Stuff Christians Like" by Johnathan Acuff and it an essay about his daughter not wanting to look silly and he wondered when she was told how she would look. Then went on the quote in Genesis 3:11 just after Adam and Eve had failed GOD in the garden of Eden and ate the fruit from the tree of Knowledge. "Who told you, you were naked?" Johnathan then went on to say, "Who told you, you were naked? Who Told you that you weren't enough? and continued. I'll link it here http://stuffchristianslike.net/2014/01/02/thinking-youre-naked-2/ so you can check it out. 

I began to tear up and this instance came to mind. it was a turning point in my life. For the worse or best I cannot say, but maybe it made me more shallow, perhaps. I than began to think about other firsts in my life and have decided to share those with you over time.

Have you ever been hurt from someone's first revealing that you weren't enough, good enough, fast enough, smart enough or strong enough? When did it happen for you? How did it make you feel?

A sleepy Annabella

I know that you're sleepy, I know that you're tired.

I know that your time awake has long since expired.

Heavy your eyes do begin to become,

And now you're fussy and tears start to run.

As I lay you down so gentle so kind

Dream of the places you see in your mind.

Go fly in the clouds and see a great place.

Take your time, go slow, it isn't a race.

What is it you see, quite often I ponder,

What joy and imagination, I wonder.

But keep your secret and be there tonight

And when you wake up, I'll hug you up tight.

I'll ask where you've been but respond you shall not.

But wonder continually, that I'll do a lot.

I love when she gets tired. It's always interesting to see her personality change. Am i the only one?

A game in everything!

Everything is a game,

When she falls, the fact remain.

When lying down or upside down,

Still a game can be found.

From peek-a-boo 

To I can see you,

The simplest fun 

Can make you run.

I wonder when the eyes see less.

The morning rain brings depress,

The morning week begins the pain.

Monday begins the chain.

But not so with you and I wonder why?

Is it because we haven't taught you to cry,

About the day and what it bring,

Or is it because your heart does sing,

And ignore the disdain of the day,

And instead run and play?

Are you immune to the frustration we beget,

And that's why you're seldom upset?

Or are we just taught to think this way,

Can, once again, we return to play?

To see a game in every day?

It's funny seeing my little girls play. Everything becomes a game as they walk, talk, hide, or just sit; it becomes a new game. I don't see many adults doing this and wonder when they stopped? Do you know when you stopped playing games with everything you do? Do you still do it? I know I embrace it far more than my wife does, and that sometimes I embarrass her. How about you?

A teachers tears.

It breaks my heart to see you cry,
It breaks my heart to not know why.
I see a tear go down your face.
I feel my heart start to race.
Your little eyes begin to swell,
I see the tear come up from the well.
Stumped at what I should say,
Wonder if my words are okay.
You'r uncle is gone, but don't forget,
The smiles that his love would get.
For when you think of him don't be sad,
Remember the smiles and be glad.

To one of my students. She just lost her uncle and I was lost for words when she started crying in class. It breaks my heart to see any of my children in pain.  I hope that I was able to comfort her just a little. That's my prayer for her and her family. I'm so thankful she has great classmates that were helping comfort her. Anyone else feel helpless sometimes when you talk to someone that just lost a family, friend or loved one? What did you say to comfort them? Is it better to hold back the tears or to cry with them?

A teacher's heart

I've noticed something about myself.
1. I have a hard time shutting up! (Yeah, I'm that guy that can have an entire conversation with your input. Sorry :x)
2. People still deal with me even knowing number 1.
3. I have always loved sharing what I have learned to help them grow with me.

I think 3 is the best part of me. When I learn something new I always have to share it. As I said in 1, I am that guy that can't stop talking, which is probably why I started a blog in the first place. When I'm really passionate about it I just talk about, and LORD help you if you have a question!

Once it begins,
it never ends.
I read all that I can find.
My mind sees all, then it bind.
Each word that's read stored in my mind.
Easily accessible for all to find.
Ask me once, then never again.
Be you new, or a long time friend.
Your watch you'll check, once then twice.
I'll talk so long, you'll burn the rice.
Stop me quick before I start!
Could it be because I have a teacher's heart?

Does anyone else suffer from this? Surely, I can't be the only person!?

A new teacher

    I have always considered myself a teacher except at my first job, -Lines Ref. and Center Ref. at the age of 11 and 12 for soccer. My first "real" job at Papa John's, my job at Sheridan's Frozen Custard, and at the call center. Heck, even at the dealership I was teaching computers and helping with the web design (I did terrible by the way). I even have experience as a teacher for Sunday school at my old church, but honestly I'm more of a talker than anything else.

    Well, now here I stand as teacher. It's now what I'm doing as my profession and I really enjoy it. It's difficult to separate myself from being in the class and staying on subject. My respect for any teacher has increased by tenfold and continues to grow still. I knew it was hard work, but I am continually learning just how much work it is. A teacher doesn't just work for 8 hours a day or 9, but in everything they do! Reading a book and growing themselves to help these precious minds grow.

    I'm still a new teacher, and I have much to learn, but I am thankful that I have great people next to me, with a teachers heart.

A lot I had learned,
and still have learned not.
My rank have I earned,
but perhaps I have not.
Still learning I am,
and always will be.
No matter how I plan,
I continue to grow me.
My eyes my grow weary,
and so with my mind.
My brain can be in a flurry,
but still I'll be kind.
They are the future,
of me and of you,
I must always be careful,
Of what it is I do.
Impressions are made,
and seldom are lost.
The shame might fade,
but it come with a cost.
So keep on the straight,
don't make them feel less.
Help shape these kids fate,
and become a success.

Teachers! Lend me your mind! Is there a book that has helped you find your success with the students? I'm teaching high school and I am really enjoying it!