Off the shelf?

Back and forth I constantly go with ideas, hopes and queries, but very few of them do I put so much time and effort into them. The majority don't get a day's worth of thoughts, some get a day, while still others get a few days, but rarely is the better part of a year given time, effort, and heart.

I "shelved" an idea that I had been working on for several months. I started it in January, and decided back in July that perhaps I wasn't ready to release it. I have always played TCGs (trading card games) and I have always played turn-based RPGs. These game types are among my favorite and they both hold places in my heart. I decided I wanted to make a TCG that was similar to a turn-based RPG, more-so than any that are out there currently. I've added some of my favorite mechanics to the game and the best art I can create (not that great mind you as I'm more of a writer than an artist). I really enjoyed making the game and I really enjoyed putting time into it and believed in it, but still I decided it wasn't near ready.

My "coming to reality" moment came from my Uncle, as I have stated in a previous post, and it really slammed me to the ground. I'm not that great and I don't have a place among the giants of the TCG industry.

Why not? This is something I've just decided to ask myself and I couldn't find a suitable answer. Sure the art isn't the greatest, although there are a few that I'm very proud of, and I really do enjoy the mechanics, even if no one else does, but why can't I at the very least try? I've run out of excuses. I have always said, "Excuses are like butts, everyone has them and they all stink," but did I ever really believe that? At the end of the excuses all I had was my goal, and a passion.

So, what's next? I'm taking it off the shelf and I'm pushing forward. I won't be paralyzed by "what ifs" and instead mobilized by "what are". I am over 80% complete, and I am working diligently on something that I am really passionate about. Even if I am 100% wrong, and will be 100% in love with my completed work, and you know what? That's good enough for me. I want to reach my excellence.

Sick!

We all wish that we could have long and healthy lives with no issues, but unfortunately, on this side of heaven, that isn't a luxury that all of us, or most of us, will enjoy. I have been slacking on my posts because I've been sick. My gallbladder has been acting up and has been causing me a whole mess of pain, but is this the truth?

The truth is, I've actually be on the mend for 2 days now, and yet I didn't post anything. I was using this time time mope around and I was suffering from P.L.O.M. disease. If you've never read or listened to Zig Ziglar, which I highly recommend, then you don't know that P.L.O.M. Disease is the Poor Little Old Me mindset. I spent the day thinking, "Well I'm recovering, nothing wrong with me taking some time to do that and just enjoy the day and not work," but the fact of the matter is, I'm only delaying my Dream. If I want it to come true; I need to drop the mindset of P.L.O.M. and get myself into gear. I near closer everyday and I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it. I have high hopes for tomorrow!

Drive

When I was younger I noticed my dad using cruise control often while we were on the highway. Being curious, as I always have been, I asked him why? He said, "It's because if you are going one speed you don't use as much gas as you do when you slow down, then speed up. So I use it to save gas." It didn't really make much sense to an 8 year old so I just left it alone with an, "OK." and we continued the drive.

Now that I am older, It makes more sense to me and I understand why and how it burns more gas and I understand how it saves gas if you're going at a consistent speed. If you're on a highway and you're going too fast, you slow down to go the speed limit (I'm sure none of you speed :P), and if you go under it you speed back up to your speed. Begin thinking about what to eat for lunch, or if you locked the door, or even, perhaps, what that person's name was, but you lose that thought and begin to slow down again. Distraction leaves you and you start paying attention to your speed again and you speed back up and maybe a little faster. It isn't much, but you burn more gas then you normally would have if you had been going at a constant speed.

Isn't that how life is? We spend so much time focusing on other things that we lose track of our dreams, or get sidetracked. I know I do. If only we had a "cruise control" for our life, but maybe we do. A schedule could be our "cruise control", I think. The schedule tells us where to go, at what time, and helps us dictate how much time it could take to get to a location. You can deviate from it, like an actual cruise control and you can choose whether or not you want to turn it back on, or follow it. Set dates and time so you have goals you want to reach at the time you want to reach them in, and so you don't over work yourself and burn your self out.

What's your cruise control? I use my calendar for little victories to help me stay consistent and press onward, but I do deviate quite a bit. I think it's time for me to get off the brake and get back to a consistent speed.

Drip by drip

   I've always said with my kids that "consistency is key," and I sincerely mean that. I have always known that, believed it, but it's for my kids and not me. Everything from eating, sleeping and rules; it's all on a schedule, for them. Why then do I treat myself any different? Why is something so important for them treated less than significant to me?

   I like to think of caves, I know it's a little off, but is it really? Stalactites, stalagmites, one created from the other and not just in a few hours, days, or decades, but millennia. Taking a look at caves shows us 3 things:
 
   First, is that great and awe-inspiring things take time. I'm not talking about thousands of years, but time. Mozart practice for some 10,000 hours in order to become a "musical genius", but he wasn't born as such. He studied and practiced as well as many other great composers. So much can be learned if we take a cave approach and not expect things to work in out to completion in a week, or month. Some things need cultivation for years.

   The next is consistency. For every hour of every day of its birth it drips. It might do 1 gallon in 1 day, or a few ounces, but  it keeps going. Through it's consistency it creates the wonderful formations we see in inspirational posters. Drip by drop it persists.

   Lastly, we aren't done. Believe it or not just because both formations, the Stalactite and stalagmite, have connected they are not done. They continue to have minerals run over it and it accumulates, then it changes. It is no longer a tite and mite, but a pillar.

I say this to remind myself as I have a struggle. Don't go too fast, but don't go too slow or stop. Both could mean the end of the project.

Persistance

   Constantly I find myself in doubt. It'll never work, I won't be good enough,or I don't have the skills. Then there are distractions to boot: work, kids, entertainment, house chores and so much more. Honesty I can keep going for a while saying why I can't do something, but can I really say why I persist?

    This is the 2nd longest I have ever worked on a project and not given up. I put far more work I to this than I do with yum YouTube channel and yet, still I persist, What is so different in this project vs the others I have failed? I think it is belief, for the first time in my life, I'm doing something that I believe will work and work well. I believe in this project. I am stretching, and challenging myself artistically and creatively than I have ever done before, because I believe in it. 

   I also feel a higher calling. That could just be me trying to sound all churchy, but it is the truth, in this case. I need to support my family, I need to help other sand I need to be a part of something bigger than myself. By completing this task I can be. Perhaps there is something else I can do that'll also achieve the same outcome, but I am truly enjoying the trip. 

Do you have doubts in your current or future projects? If so, what do you do to overcome them? Or can you not overcome the doubts at all?