I woke up that day the way I had the day before
Ready to face the day and race out of the door.
I went to all my classes and met all of my friends
I enjoyed the day; the beginning and the end,
But maybe not the end because of a new student.
He was taller than I and very far from prudent.
He looked at me and quickly, saw my jeans were just too short
Faded was the blue and holey too and I had no retort
He spoke some words and then he laughed,
My "friends" joined in and I was sad.
They all smiled, so I did too.
I didn't want them to see the hurt they did do.
Later that day, when I got home.
I went to my room to be alone.
I feigned being sick so they couldn't see;
The pain and sorrow my "friends" caused me.
Although I was "sick" I begged for my mom,
To take me out shopping, put new clothes on.
So out we two went, to acquire a new wardrobe.
Look different, better, it's what I did hope.
I wouldn't take anything, less than the best.
I wanted to look and dress better than the rest.
With tears in my eyes because of how I looked,
My honor, my pride, a few words took.
I had been ashamed many times before this, but It had never been because of how I looked. Mom would always tell me that I needed to bathe more, or match, or brush my hair, but I didn't care. I knew a lot of boys that didn't and at 12 It wasn't high on my priority list, but when I moved to Oak Cliff it was different. A year later a new person moved to the school and immediately pointed out all of my fabrical flaws. If I had been wise I could have said something like, "Don't judge a book by its cover." or perhaps say something like, "What about what Martin Luther King, Jr. said, 'I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.'" or I even could have asked him, "What ws wring with you?" and "Who had wronged you to make you so bitter?", but I didn't. Words failed me, and all I could think of is how stupid I looked and all of my so-called "friends" were laughing at me. My mom spent a couple hundred dollars, that I knew we didn't have, on me and I continued to be this way until I was much older. Every clothing choice I made from that point on were made based on that memory.
This came to mind because I was reading the book, "Stuff Christians Like" by Johnathan Acuff and it an essay about his daughter not wanting to look silly and he wondered when she was told how she would look. Then went on the quote in Genesis 3:11 just after Adam and Eve had failed GOD in the garden of Eden and ate the fruit from the tree of Knowledge. "Who told you, you were naked?" Johnathan then went on to say, "Who told you, you were naked? Who Told you that you weren't enough? and continued. I'll link it here http://stuffchristianslike.net/2014/01/02/thinking-youre-naked-2/ so you can check it out.
I began to tear up and this instance came to mind. it was a turning point in my life. For the worse or best I cannot say, but maybe it made me more shallow, perhaps. I than began to think about other firsts in my life and have decided to share those with you over time.
Have you ever been hurt from someone's first revealing that you weren't enough, good enough, fast enough, smart enough or strong enough? When did it happen for you? How did it make you feel?
Ready to face the day and race out of the door.
I went to all my classes and met all of my friends
I enjoyed the day; the beginning and the end,
But maybe not the end because of a new student.
He was taller than I and very far from prudent.
He looked at me and quickly, saw my jeans were just too short
Faded was the blue and holey too and I had no retort
He spoke some words and then he laughed,
My "friends" joined in and I was sad.
They all smiled, so I did too.
I didn't want them to see the hurt they did do.
Later that day, when I got home.
I went to my room to be alone.
I feigned being sick so they couldn't see;
The pain and sorrow my "friends" caused me.
Although I was "sick" I begged for my mom,
To take me out shopping, put new clothes on.
So out we two went, to acquire a new wardrobe.
Look different, better, it's what I did hope.
I wouldn't take anything, less than the best.
I wanted to look and dress better than the rest.
With tears in my eyes because of how I looked,
My honor, my pride, a few words took.
I had been ashamed many times before this, but It had never been because of how I looked. Mom would always tell me that I needed to bathe more, or match, or brush my hair, but I didn't care. I knew a lot of boys that didn't and at 12 It wasn't high on my priority list, but when I moved to Oak Cliff it was different. A year later a new person moved to the school and immediately pointed out all of my fabrical flaws. If I had been wise I could have said something like, "Don't judge a book by its cover." or perhaps say something like, "What about what Martin Luther King, Jr. said, 'I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.'" or I even could have asked him, "What ws wring with you?" and "Who had wronged you to make you so bitter?", but I didn't. Words failed me, and all I could think of is how stupid I looked and all of my so-called "friends" were laughing at me. My mom spent a couple hundred dollars, that I knew we didn't have, on me and I continued to be this way until I was much older. Every clothing choice I made from that point on were made based on that memory.
This came to mind because I was reading the book, "Stuff Christians Like" by Johnathan Acuff and it an essay about his daughter not wanting to look silly and he wondered when she was told how she would look. Then went on the quote in Genesis 3:11 just after Adam and Eve had failed GOD in the garden of Eden and ate the fruit from the tree of Knowledge. "Who told you, you were naked?" Johnathan then went on to say, "Who told you, you were naked? Who Told you that you weren't enough? and continued. I'll link it here http://stuffchristianslike.net/2014/01/02/thinking-youre-naked-2/ so you can check it out.
I began to tear up and this instance came to mind. it was a turning point in my life. For the worse or best I cannot say, but maybe it made me more shallow, perhaps. I than began to think about other firsts in my life and have decided to share those with you over time.
Have you ever been hurt from someone's first revealing that you weren't enough, good enough, fast enough, smart enough or strong enough? When did it happen for you? How did it make you feel?
No comments:
Post a Comment