Confidence

When there is a hole, regardless of the size, water tries to fill it. Even if it means emptying the rest of the area to fill it, water gives it everything to accomplish its simple goal, fill the hole.

I find that confidence is the same way. If you lack confidence, then you try to go about by any means to get the void that it has left in you filled. Rather than allowing your confidences to grow through your accomplishments You look for praise, no, you thirst for it, and continually try to get noticed by being either in your face or nagging. Both can get annoying and often push people away, or, because you thirst so much, when you don't hear the words you want it causes you to sink. Don't try to force feed the hole, but instead let it do it on its own. You'll end up less hurt when you don't gets e praise you want.

How, then, do you get that confidence that you want, crave, and need? Be satisfied with your skills and limitations. Take a step back and tell yourself, "I love the way that came out." and just enjoy what you do. You aren't going to please everyone and not everyone will like what you like, but you're not alone.

The voices

I've spent a lot of time talking about my fears, dreams, and the BHAGs, or Big Hairy Audacious Goals, and I look at the things they, my fears, have kept me from doing. I've wondered, "why does it stop me so?" It isn't as though they can harm me, or it isn't as though they are new voices either. It's the same voices I have heard for most of my life. They are echoed in my head every time I attempt to do anything meaningful.

I have decided to write down what they are telling me. Perhaps it'll be in a vlog that I do them all, or perhaps here. I haven't decided yet, but that's something to decide later, but for now; here's the first and most dominant today:

"Who are you?"

This isn't a question of who am I and what have I become, but "who are you to say you can do x, y, or z?" "Who do you think you are to accomplish this goal?" "what right do you have to do anything you think you can accomplish?" Then, they go on. "When you fail, that's right, when you fail, it's going to happen like all the other times before. You're going to start on something and get far, but because you don't own the right to do anything like this you cannot complete it. Who are you?"

What are the voices saying in your head? And how do we address them?

I think the best way to address this is a 3 prong attack.

1. Have, or add, positive people in your life. I don't know about you, but I have so many Nay-Sayers in my life that I don't have enough hands to count them and so few positive people that less than half of 1 hand can be used to count them, and in case you are wondering, it's 2.
2. Listen to positive speech. Be it blogs, podcasts, vidcasts, audiobooks, books, or audible, take time to listen to some great speakers with a Positive Mental Attitude, or as Zig Ziglar calls it a PMA.
3. Be happy. Yes! Be happy. Some people are so  grumpy they light up a room by leaving it. That shouldn't be you, and it should be me. Smile, it fools people all the time , keep your head up high, it gives you confidence, and great people with a giant and honest "HI!"

Zig will also tell you to use positive talk, but I just can't bring myself to do it, so I'll leave that to him and his people.

How do you attack the negative voices in your head? I'm going to write mine down and I'll bring them back to share with y'all in future posts.

Constantly growing

We grow every day, and have a different experience and learn from it, grow from it. When we think about our constant growth we only think about our bodies and hardly think about our minds. When I say, "we" I don't mean everyone, of course, but I do know a few that disregard the growth and expansions of our minds as a waste of time.

Parent: Make sure the money is applied to get a shirt. I don't want to waste any money on a book.

I was talking to a parent and was blown away and saddened when she said this. It took everything in me to not shout, "it's worth more than a shirt your child's going to outgrow!"

"You are the same today you'll be in five yours except for two things: the people you meet and the books you read."

I remember the first time I heard that quote. It resonated within me. From then on I started to consume books and haven't looked back. My mind has grown, and my thirst for knowledge and personal growth as well as the growth of those around me has not stopped. I can't imagine not reading daily and growing. I encourage my children to read, my wife and my students and hope they'll understand how important it is to their growth. Shirts get ripped, torn, lost, and outgrown and although a book can also be torn, ripped and lost, once you've read them, you'll never outgrow what you've learned. I have never been more creative today than I have ever been and I have such high hopes for the future.

Ok, off my box.

Leaving the fear...

Finally, at last, the hinges rotate.

The anticipation is too much to take.

My palms are sweaty; heart is racing.

Before I go on, I notice I'm pacing.

For years I have longed to pass on through,

And yet here I am, unsure what to do.

Do I go in and continue? Do I stay and wait?

What is it truly; I anticipate?

Why do I see it there, before the door?

The fear it lingered there, I can't ignore.

The door is open and yet I pause.

I try to move forward, but can't find the cause.

Have I lost my way, or is it temporarily hidden?

Do I doubt so much that happiness is forbidden?

At long last I take a step, then quickly another.

I can't stop now; I fear I'll fall over.

I won't turn back and always wonder why.

I'm going through now, at least I can say, "I try."

I have always had opportunities, but I always allowed my chances to pass me by because I was to afraid to give it a go. I know I'd be a different person if I would have allowed myself to succeed. Am I alone, or does anyone else feel this way a lot of times?

Spinning!

Around, and around, and around I go,
Will I stop?
I don't know.
When will I drop?
Looking up, now looking down,
As I spin, all around.
I stop again,
and go the other way.
My head does spin,
And I fall away.

I love to spin around with my girls. What about you? I enjoy trying to keep up with a ceiling fan, but that could just be me.

2 in the tub

Rub-a-dub-dub,

2 girls in the tub,

Washing the dirt away.

One is just splashing,

The other is laughing,

Getting clean while they play.

Just a quick poem that came to mind while my girls were splashing away in the tub.

Dare to Dream

Dreams come, and they go.
They flitter, they flow.
Flying in the sky,
Wave your day goodbye.
It doesn't matter if it's light.
It doesn't matter if it's night.
It doesn't matter if you sleep.
Still your dreams will keep,
Your mind soaring through the air,
Day pass by, without a care.
Keep your dreams and make them true,
If they fade, then make them new.
Once your dreams are all gone,
That's when a new dream has begun.

I've dared to dream many dreams and now I make changes to take them from dream to reality and yet, still I dream. I love to dream. Do you still dream? Are you living your dream, or have they flown by?

Firefly

You light up the night,
and not the day.
You glow and you show,
the world your play.
Here, then there,
Seems like you're everywhere.
A brief flame that show,
Like a quick glow.
You have many names,
But they're all the same.
On your beauty some rely,
You're my favorite firefly.

I love Fireflies. They are so amazing, to me. Many bioluminescence animals are amazing to me, but these especially. What's your favorite bioluminescence creature?

A different direction

I've decided that since my target book audience is in fact children, then why wouldn't my blog have the same target? I love poetry and writing it, but I enjoy the fun that comes with it. What do y'all think? I hope you enjoy it. I am releasing my first book this Friday called "The Lost Egg". It'll be on Amazon as either an eBook or hard copy. 

Whirring, whirring, 

The sound is blurring.

I hear it all around,

Constant is the sound.

They whir and they chirp,

I always keep alert.

Continues, does the night,

And so do they.

The crickets are right,

And left as they say,

Their whirring, and chirping And keeping me awake.

Who's your favorite poet? 

Zombies

Your eyes glazed over,
Your moth is agape.
The night is over,
Your not even awake.
You groan,
You moan,
You feel the hunger inside.
Your prey cannot hide.
Numb is your brain,
As your habits claim,
The direction that you go.
You do everything
You already know.
Day in and day out,
You complete the daily task.
Do do things without a pout,
And you don't even ask,
"Why do I do this mindless thing,
Every single day?"
Shouldn't my brain have some say?"


Ha! not what you thought. How many of you thought it was about Shawn of The Dead type zombies, or Night of the Living Dead? Sorry to disappoint you, but it isn't. I had been a mindless zombie before with my job and life. Just woke up and did everything I was expected to, but I have broken away from this. Anyone else broken away as well?

Mirror

Mirror, mirror
Who do you see?
When I look at you,
Is it really me?
Reflection oh, is it true,
As my eyes see straight through.
They pierce,
They cut,
They're fierce,
They're put,
My mind into a spin,
So dirty, I see my sin.
Could that be me?
That it is I see?
I hardly recognize my face.
I now have replace,
Could that be me?
Could it be...
Me?

For the longest time I hated looking into a mirror. I would see this person that I despised and hated all at once. I couldn't get past it. Brushing my teeth, my hair, shaving or putting my contacts in. It took a peace that I could only get when I found salvation in Christ, and from nothing else. Have you ever experienced this before? Have you ever looked into the mirror and not recognized yourself?

Toy Minefield

It's late at night and you've decided it's time to go to bed. You get up out of your comfortable chair and start to walk across the living room. It's dark now and you can't see anything except the small area your phone shows. You aren't looking down because you're looking for walls so you don't run into them.

  Then, you hit 1. The first one start making a noise. Maybe you slip, maybe you don't, but as you gain your footing, you hit another. Now there's a cacophony of toys going off around you. you bend over and cut them off only to find that the lighted area from your phone shows that you're surrounded...

I don't know about you, but it seems like my kids plant toys at the end of the night for me. I sometimes feel like my wife is in on it too. They all just seem so perfectly placed. My path is common and they know it. It only happens if I forget to have Emma clean up before we put her to sleep. Anyone else feel this way about the minefield? 

238 years ago...

It's crazy to think that 238 years ago, our country was founded. For those in a different country, that is the United States. From those 13 colonies we grew into the nation we have today. I have always been proud to be an American and proud to be from Texas. Although the date is disputed I celebrate the 4th of July. So, Happy Independence day everyone!

My country, my country
Proudly I say,
Today is the day,
The nation was made.
Heroes were made,
and many were lost.
Steep was the cost.
America, America,
My country, America,
I look to the sky,
I see my flag fly,
And a tear in my eye,
Comes to me as I see,
Thy sweet majesty.
America, sweet America,
To the soldiers of present and past,
The warriors that dies and didn't last,
Thank you, for what you do,
For, without you,
We wouldn't have,
My precious America.

Happy Independence day US of A and to my fellow countrymen. GOD bless!

Reality of Fear

The closer I get to my self imposed deadline, the more I feel myself get week in the legs and I can feel my dragonflies in my stomach punching around. I have always had goals, dreams and ambitions, but I have always feared myself out of completing them.

I don't know about you, but I like to set a goal, take aim and never take the shot. If I don't shoot, I don't have to make an excuse about how and why I missed my mark, but is it worth not doing? This time, I'm not going to make the mistake and not take action and not fire.

Once lost

I fell a lot when I was younger, but the worst fall I ever had was falling from GOD. It wasn't even a fall it was more like a tumble into snow that kept building until I almost hit the bottom which was covered with jagged rocks. I'm so thankful I'm no longer in that place and that I'm no longer that person.

I played a game and I got bit

And most of me was lost

I found myself deep inside a pit

And there was an oh so high cost

Deep within the hole I dwell

Waiting for someone to find me

How long I waited in that hell

Please constantly I plea

But from that darkened land I did see

A light shining in the distance

And GOD when I was closer to He 

The lower my resistance

Higher now my head is raised

Because by his design

Jesus was slain and then was raised

And now he says, "He's mine!"

It took so much for me to admit I was wrong on almost all (if not all) levels. I hated being in that dark place.

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Friday motivation

It's Friday, and perhaps I'll do something motivational for today?! IDK, but I do enjoy it so much! Motivation and Fridays. I get down sometimes and thinking about the tasks ahead and he implications that they could mean make me a little nervous, but I know that I can do them if I stick to them.

It's called the "Strong-end"
not the weekend
get your head into the game
cause if you don't you'll always get the same
if you think that reading, watching or playing
things that have a negative saying
is going to help you in life get further,
then perhaps you should reset and take another
look at yourself and hop into the shower
clean off that gruff and then devour
the Word
a good book
a motivational tape
and listen
then you'll notice in time
that negativity gets left behind
and you'll move mountains that before you could not reach
mountains that had you stumble in your speech
but when they are cleared
things are as you feared
you'll have to start working, get things into gear
so brush off that fear
and bust it and you'll know
you'll achieve greatness, the greatness in your soul.


Does being great scare you? Achieving your goal? To some of you, that may sound silly, but to others, there couldn't be more truer words. What are your thoughts?

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Fall apart

I've been broken and dashed and dragged along the ground. I've been beaten both verbally and physically and when it was said and done, I found peace from the once place that I had turned away from because "I could handle it on my own." As I got older, though, I found that I was way wrong and had to readjust my life and break new habits that I developed that were terrible.

I strongly believe that things fall apart
friendship, family and even your heart
but there is something mysterious and true
it'll keep you together like the strongest of glue
There is a big book that's where you start
and as soon as you pull some of those pages apart
You'll look and you'll find, something new
it's really quite old, but it's very new to you
It's called the bible and truth is its start
the more pages you turn the more you'll grow smart
For deep in those pages, are skies of blue
and flue for your heart and solace for you.

Have you ever turned away from GOD? I did, for 10 years I walked away and found myself more in pain and alone then I had ever before.

Irrational

I've done many things without thinking them through. I moved out of my home because my mom and I got into a big fight, I quit a job and didn't have any plans afterwards and even quit college because of my parents. Everything I did was life changing for me and caused issues for me as well. I did a lot of stupid things and most were from being #irrational. I'm so glad I'm older and can keep myself from being childish, but I still remember how it made me feel.

I'm angry and your not listening

My eyes are red and glistening

From the tears of anger swelling

No word you say is compelling

I've already started contemplating

How to get rid of your complaining

I feel myself again refraining

My feeling inside I'm detaining

And need to get out and inhale

But you see I am in hell

No longer can I still dwell

Because I've broken from you spell

And now the truth I must go tell

And now my pride it does swell

So I must leave before I yell

I'm angry and frustrated if you can't tell

I'm leaving and nothing you can say

Will change my mind to want to stay

It isn't a matter if I can pay

To get out this is the only way

I'll see you in another day

To get my stuff if that's okay

And if it isn't it matters not

Because it's happening either way

And now I'll be on my way

And case I change my mind today

I'm irrational and may regret

And one day you just might forget

And hope that you'll forgive.

For see I fight for fighting sake

And hear your heart I hope not to break

My mind is muttled and can't think

Have you ever done something irrational? How did it effect you?

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Frustration

Sometimes the only thing you can do is release it. Write it, shout it, or punch a wall. It is never good to hold it in. I'm not a loud person and I don't want to repair a wall, so I'll just write it the best I know how.

I'm trembling on the inside

Or so i like to think

My palms are getting sweaty

My hands begin the shake

My eyes they might be red

Or bloodshot to be honest

My mind is racing

My heart pumping

My adrenaline is high 

I want to punch into a wall 

If only for a minute

And help my #frustration release from me

At least I think I've earned it

What makes you so frustrated that you need to scream or you just want to punch someone? For me it's the way I handle my children vs my wife and we're going to talk about it when she gets up.

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Alone

I know this next post is a little dark, but I felt like I needed to write it. I want to be as honest as possible in this blog and that includes all emotions I have had, past present and future. I've grown up like this and I hope I was able to convey how I felt when I was younger not too long ago and I always felt that the "Christians" would give me a kind word. Now that I am a Christian I try hard to not come complacent and allow people to dwell in corners alone.

Hidden in a corner bare

There sit a child young and scared

Says to the world, "I don't care!"

But don't believe the things he aired

Cause when you look into his eyes

You can see through the simple disguise

And know in his heart of hearts it's a lie

But still he says it to deny

The fact that he still wants to cry

And hopes and prays that someone pry

So silently still he will stay

And hope that things will end okay

Only GOD can be the key

To help him to become free

But who is there to teach him how

When satan is constantly on the prowl

A kind word he's waiting for

Instead you just shut the door

So he sits and contemplates 

He takes it in, absorbs the hates

-VMH

Can you relate? How did you overcome it, or are you still there?

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